M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
