The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I supernannyed him into submission
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
