You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
