So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
