Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
