it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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