woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
