It's Friday. Sex?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
