Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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