Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
