Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
