Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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