a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
