if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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