She said her name was "party"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
