The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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