i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
