I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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