I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
