We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
