Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
