I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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