dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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