Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
