You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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