my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
