So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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