fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
