im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
