Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am available for nakedness
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
