I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
