It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
