season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
