Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
