I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
