Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
