is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
