I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
