he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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