so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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