Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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