i jhust puked up my retainher.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
