Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
