Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
