This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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