the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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