You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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