I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
