Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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