just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
