i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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