You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize