my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
