just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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