Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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