Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
