I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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