Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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