He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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