Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
