If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
