Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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