he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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