I think im going to throw up on grandma
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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