My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
