I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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