I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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