Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
