I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
