Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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