dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
