you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
