I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize